Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Men Are Only Good For Oral Sex

IT WAS ALSO TONGUE IN CHEEK!!! So take with a grain of salt.


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After reading recent blogs praising males, I felt it necessary to write a reaction piece. I do consider myself superior to most men....but then again I consider myself superior to most females as well. Yes I am fairly partial to being a woman, I really enjoy owning a vagina, thus the reason for me standing up for my gender. But no, I am no man hater. I hate everyone equally.


Being a woman in this day and age is a wonderful thing to be. My mother's generation, and those who came before her, fought for my rights to be equal. But that long fight for equality is beginning to tip even further in our direction.


More females are attending college then males today, and the difference in percentages in female versus male grows each year. The number of academic scholarships given to females outnumbers males 2 to 1, and female students are considered by most of today's teachers to be more intelligent, more dedicated, and consistently meeting potential.


So, in other words, women ARE smarter than men, and now we have proof. Also, there is scientifically proven reasons why women talk more than men, which again is linked to their levels of intelligence. Now, guys, hopefully I don't talk over your heads here with the scientific mumbo-jumbo that I am about to spit out, but try and keep up.


The two hemispheres (guys - that is the two halves) of the brain are connected by a band of nerves called the Corpus Callosum. Each hemisphere is also connected to the opposite side's eye. Together, these are the only connectors for the hemispheres. If the Corpus Callosum is severed, and one eye covered (the one connected to the hemisphere with verbal acuity), men with the nerves cut could not name a simple item (like a ball) they were shown. They knew that they knew what the item was, but could not verbalize the word. Women with the same nerves cut and same eye covered COULD name the item, 7 out of 10 times.


Determination of the experiment? That the female speech center spans into both hemispheres of the brain, giving them superior verbal skills and vocabulary. It also gives a reason why women talk more than men, they simply are hardwired with increased skill in verbalization.


We know we women excel in mental strength, but then there is bodily strength. Women may be considered the "weaker sex", but I use that as an advantage, not a setback. Why the hell do I want to lift heavy shit, take out trash, or do anything else that I consider to be manual labor that is listed as "man's work?" "Golly gee, Bob, I can't seem to lift this heavy box. Do you mind lifting it for me?" ((eyelashes fluttering)).


Am I using my sexuality to get this man to do work? Hell, yes. Am I ashamed? Fuck, no. As I have already explained, females are smarter then men, thus we can use our God given beauty to lead them around by their real brains....the one located below the equator. So, we can thus conclude that women do not need superior strength of body, because we can use our superior mental strength to make men do the manual labor we are too smart to do.


Considering that technology has been becoming smaller and smaller in recent years, we all know that smaller packaging can contain wondrous things. Unless we are discussing penis size, and guys, no matter what she told you, size DOES matter in that case. And a bigger ship makes more motion in my ocean, so take your dingy and get outta my face.


Now...back to smaller packaging. Razr phones, I phones, microchips.....and women. Tinee, tiny package, full of technological wonders.


Now, since we have determined we are smarter and do not need brawn, we then come to beauty. Women, for the most part, are made more beautiful then men. Now, no I did not say that ALL women are more beautiful then men, I can admit that there are women who got beat with the ugly stick, but then there are a lot of men who tangled with that same stick. And they all seem to have asked me out. Fuckers. But I digress.


But for the most part, the female animal is made to be more beautiful. We are smarter, and we carry a big punch in a little package. Also, stroking the fragile male ego and making him think that he is big, strong, and all powerful works in our favor too.


And I almost forgot the most important thing. We have what all heterosexual men want. A vagina. And most of us can reduce at least one or two men to drooling idiots who will do just about anything we say with said vagina.


In conclusion, if it wasn't for the fact that most women hate taking out the trash, and need someone to kill the occasional bug, men would pretty much be deemed unnecessary. And, no the penis argument can't really be used either. I own two BOBs, so there is never a point in my life where I NEED a man. But since I am not limber enough to stretch far enough to be able to lick my own pie....and the fact I don't like anyone else's pie (sorry lesbians), 'cept my own pie, the occasional boyfriend is nice to have.


Yes, that is the only true reason to have a boyfriend, oral sex. And so, men, you now see why it is so important to focus on that one skill. It is the only thing you are good for.


I just wish more women would wake up to the fact that they are the superior gender. Unfortunately, a percentage of women are whining, stupid heifers, who have not lived up to their potential and do not realize their power. With my help, they will become the dominate sex!

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